iObsession

Last night I dreamt that I was back working at the very first advertising agency that ever hired me. Apparently, the company saw fit to take me back even after the falling out I had with the president of the company. Right away I was back to my old shenanigans fucking everything up. In my 10 year absence they had obtained a very high profile Japanese client who was in town for a business pitch at our office. As usual, I said something in front of a client that the ad agency deemed rude and uncalled for and by that I mean that the words which came out of my mouth weren’t wrapped in pink cotton candy and standing in line to take a ride on Magic Mountain.

Yet again, I found myself being lectured on my intrinsic negative personality and if I wanted to fit in at team Gamma I would have to, quite literally grin, and bear it. While the rest of the company was in the president’s office to decide my fate (because the office was always terribly democratic, think: “Office Survivor” yet peppier and with a lot of urging by them to seek therapy), I decided that I was going to march into the conference room and rectify my wrongdoings by explaining to the client that I was a bit of a black sheep and the agency just hired me as a charity case (probably hoping to be featured on Oprah). When I got in I found the client was angry beyond belief and was making plans to get the hell out of Dodge, taking his business with him. I told him he needed to calm down and suggested a leisurely walk. By this time Rick, the vice president of the company (who I shit-you-not looks like Geraldo in real-life), had seen us cavorting through the glass walls and was about to have an aneurism when I yelled at him to back-off because I was handling this.

So I took my angry client to an office down the street, waltz into their occupied executive conference room, and took up residence under the table (we had to go under the table otherwise we would have intruded on their meeting and that would have just been rude). This is when the client started to vent to me about the ad agency and how if they didn’t have the grace to realize the gem they had in me then they weren’t creative enough to launch his product. To which I whole-heartedly agreed, especially considering their favorite color was sun-washed yellow and it was EVERYWHERE except for in my office which they wall-papered with a dark steel-grey which was eerily reminiscent of dungeon walls. I explained to the client that they weren’t all that bad. They were trying to remedy their squeaky-clean ways, after all, they did hire me back and that had to be a sign of things to change. Snarky creativity was making a comeback and he had better stick around to be a part of it.

Then we reclined against the table legs, held hands, and talked about setting me up with a free iPhone in advance of the release. When we returned to the office, the client was whisked away to be shown the pitch and I was shown the door.

Those little fuckers. I gave them Sony back and they fired me. I didn’t even get my free iPhone.