They Say It’s My Birthday

It’s official, today I turn 31 which is awesome. I love getting older. I guess the way I see it is that I don’t have much choice unless I want to die young but I doubt that’s half as much fun as being able to celebrate yourself with balloons and cake. True, getting older means [...]

“This Was No Boating Accident!”

Proof that I am not alone.

Thank you Girlie.

9. I Yam Who I Yam

Many years ago, a guy I dated pointed out that I started out our relationship with listing off everything that was bad about me. He then concluded with a statement of why he thought I did this but, I’ll be honest, I’m kind of a crappy listener so I can’t remember what he actually said. [...]

8. ConVICKt

When I was younger, my family bred pit bulls for no other reason than they were fantastic dogs. Sweet, loyal, cuddly, and damn cute when wearing bandanas. They were my father’s favorite breed, I think, mostly because they are largely misunderstood by the public. At a very tender age, my father taught me about the [...]

23. Baby Fish Mouth

3 reasons why I am awesome to play Pictionary with:

Numerology

For months I find that I keep seeing the number 829. I always happen to look at the clock when it’s 8:29. I make a note of it when it’s 82.9 degrees out or when it costs $82.90 to fill my car up on gas. It could just be a coinsidence or perhaps it’s a [...]

An Evening at the In-Laws

Puritanical Mother-In-Law
“I don’t think this commercial should be aired.”
“The Viagra commercial?”
“Yes.”
“Why.”
“It’s offensive.”
“Huh. What else would you pull?”
“Oh lots of stuff… beer commercials, tampon commercials, birth control…”
“What about underwear commercials?”
“Oh yes. They’d have to go too.”
***
Cranky Father-In-Law
“And so I forgot to pack my underwear for the trip!”
“You forgot your underwear?”
“I know! I have to go to [...]

HOMEWORK: Complete the beginning of this sentence “…someone writes the entire content of an email in the subject line. Don’t they know they can hit TAB and advance to the body portion of the email? Oh, I get it; they’re too busy and important to hit TAB.”

Correct answer: “I hate it when”

18. If clothes are what makes a man; what, then, makes a woman?

Well, my guess is more than clothes; but if you were to take a look inside her handbag that might provide a tiny glimpse into what she’s like. Let’s dissect, shall we?

In a van down by the river

Life’s been a little… pissy… lately. What with trying to help an immature, out of control family see the error of their ways all the way down to a certain primary client of mine threatening to take their business away from because I decided that I can no longer function as a one woman 7/11; [...]