I’m having a bad day. I’m not even sure why. My house was safe from harm despite all of my surrounding neighbors having some sort of damage to their house or property during the latest blustery day. The puppy is doing well with his training, none of the cats had to go to the vet in the past month (knock on wood), and work has slowed down to a much more manageable pace. I recently went on a lovely little getaway to the Cape’s islands. I’ve even lost 4 pounds despite eating nothing but Halloween candy for the last 14 days. I should be on top of the world.
Instead, here I sit feeling small and insignificant. Worthless in every respect. Ugly and unfunny. And I’m being totally mean to my husband for no good reason other than everything that comes out of his mouth today makes me want to claw my eyes out, but because I like my eyes I choose to say something completely mean and cutting instead.
I’m pretty sure this attitude is why six years ago both my mom and sister replied (practically in unison): someone wants to marry you?!
Filed under: I Remember When..., Mmm... chocolate-y, Neurosis-it’s not pretty but it gets the job done, The Man
Saucy,
I am sorry you are not having a good day. I had the panic attack from hell yesterday for no apparent reason so I can feel your pain. It is always difficult when these moods hit and it feels as though you can not control the smallest of things, much less the words that come out of your mouth.
I am a saboteur. When I am in that state I deliberately try to pick a fight or just get under my husband’s skin. I have no clue why I want to as he did nothing to deserve it. I just have this need and I can not suppress it no matter how hard I try.
Take care,
Klinde
Thanks Klinde. I don’t know why I pick fights either. The worst part is when you know you’re doing it and you know they don’t deserve it, but you do it anyway.
I know these days come and go and I’m just so glad that they’re less frequent now than they’ve ever been.
Mostly days like these are just deeply rooted in insecurity and the constant internal badgering that I’m not up to snuff.
Poor poor Sean. He’s a good man Saucy – don’t pick on him too much. Maybe you just need to have some chocolate and go to bed. Things will be better tomorrow!
Time to take an adventure to the volcano.
Hawaii has several…
Ooh…my Moose knows that girl all too well, he just hides from me until its over! The poor guys!
Girlie, it’s hard to imagine, but chocolate doesn’t even fix days like this.
Proto, I would go in a heartbeat, if only to get that awesome luggage.
Beth, I don’t know if Sean “hides” per say, but he’s definitely quieter.
Proto, I have to add that it just tickles me pink that you got my movie reference.
Blame it on one of two things: shitty weather, or just maybe it’s time to go out and get a pregnancy test? (Running at the speed of light to avoid your bitch-slap…)
LOL! Honey, you crack me up. No, I can (very certainly) tell you that I am NOT pregnant (unless, of course, that whole Immaculate Conception can really happen). What I do know for sure is that some days I just have a deflated sense of self and that’s just it. I talk myself into thinking that I am the lowest of the low and deserving of very little.
Basically what I think I need to do it widen my world a little. Come out of my shell more often, go through the painstaking process of reaching out and meeting new people. Working from home and reveling in homebodiness is the proverbial oil to a social life’s water.
Crazy Aunt Purl is going through the same thing, except she’s forced to go out and meet new people because she’s currently on a book tour (hello? random house? umm… just sayin’ hi… you know, being a nice person and all). She really hits the nail on the head, pointing out that it’s a crippling need to please people and live up to their impossible expectations. Impossible because you just don’t even know what these “standards” are because they’re the opinions of strangers and you really are just projecting an internal insecurity from yourself onto them and then reinternalizing it. It’s really annoying and awful. (Btw, did I tell you that I think you and I ended up staying at the same place on Nantucket except two days apart?)
Joe is my hero. Beat singing “I sold my soul to the company store.” About the time that came out, I read a dozen poker books and started going to card clubs after playing for free online. Got me out of the house, and now the hobby pays for itself. Hope you find something…
There are just so many great things about that movie.
I’ll find something, I had volunteering until Hooper came along and shackled me to the house. Once he’s fit for crate training, I’m sure I’ll be able to return to it and these little episodes of mine will reduce themselves even further.
Of course, I’m sure my neurosis regarding meeting people will still be firmly intact. But that’s something that’s been a part of me for as long as I can remember though.