Please stop being delicious. You’re completely interfering with my new found diet. Whereas I’ve been able to stoically avoid all manner of chocolate, peanut M&Ms, and frozen key lime pie, I find myself almost unnaturally drawn to you. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that there is about 8 deliciously leftover pounds of you cut up into convenient slices just milling around in my refrigerator. Or maybe, no, really, that’s just it. You are present, maple-glazed, and unavoidably mouthwatering and every time I open the refrigerator to peruse slightly less appetizing choices, there you are, practically begging me to eat you. So just stop. Stop right now. I have no room for you in my life good sir.
Love,
me
(shhh… meet me on the basement steps… I won’t tell if you won’t.)
Filed under: Ding-Dong Merrily On High, I knows hows to cooks, Just another day, Open Letters
Baby toes? you’re irresistibly drawn to eating sliced, chilled, baby toes?
I mean, I’m no prude, I’ve nibbled this little piggy, and that little piggy, and no little piggy ever made his way home, but stocking them in the fridge? sliced? That’s sick.
Everyone knows little piggies taste best warm.