Professional failure #274

During a short stint as a copy writer while employed by my very first Advertising Agency, I was assigned the creative task of coming up with a tag line for a Hair Replacement company that was to be run on the ad boards in the NYC subway system. I submitted over 30 tag lines, #1 [...]

How Many Licks Does It Take To Get To The Tootsie Roll Center Of A Tootsie Pop

Actually, the new experiment is: How many bites does it take for a PMSing woman to eat a 14oz bag of peanut M&Ms:
A one… a two… a thrrrreeee… *burp*
Three. Imagine that.

April showers are actually tears pouring from my eyes

To say that April was one of the worst months of my life might just be a bit of an overstatement considering that I’ve had some real doosies in my day. But I want to give it its due because it really was kind of crappy. Especially the last 7 days or so. I mean, [...]

That Thing You Do

So there’s this *thing* we like to do. Actually, it’s really more of a thing that Sean likes to do and I just like to listen (or talk over this *thing* when other people are listening because I’m always going on and on about how great it is and oh! Sorry, are you trying to [...]

Myself, as portrayed by a slab of tofu

Do I at least score points for being able to recognize my own faults even though I leave them to fester? 

I this afternoon I had to call an old friend to ask him how to make Rice Krispy treats. It was the equivalent of Picasso asking someone how to complete a paint-by-numbers. (Yes, I did just compare my culinary abilities to Picasso, why do you ask?)

More than you bargained for

To the girl who’s finding me with the search “how to check for an IUD if you have nails.” Honey, you do it the same way as if you don’t have nails. Maybe a little more slowly.
Good luck. 

IUD, TMI, LMNOP

On the same kind of line that I told you about getting my lady parts waxed, I figured I would share with you my IUD experience this week (“share,” of course, is code for “I have no filter” so suck it up). Hey, I’m nothing if not a good old-fashioned public service announcement or a [...]