Four weeks ago I was implanted with this Mirena thing. And I was told “Oh side effects are rare, yo.” (my OBGYN is very urban chic). What are these elusive side effects you ask? I’m so glad you asked. Side effects apparently are increased abdominal pain, the ability to never be anywhere without a tampon, weight gain, acne, raging mood swings, complete loss of sanity, inability to stop yourself from telling the apologetic counter girl at Panera that it’s ok that she gives your change back in all singles because you and your husband will be going to a strip club later, and the increased desire to run people down with your car as you will never ever stop PMSing again for the next five years. The odds of experiencing any of these individual side effects are about 3%. The odds of experiencing all of the side effects together at once are probably somewhere around 0.05%.
And I’m all about being special so my body has apparently opted to be in this 0.05% group. But not to worry because it’s mostly supposed to go away with time. How long? Three months is typical. Three months?! THREE MF MONTHS?! It’s likely that I’ll have a court appointed lawyer submitting a temporary insanity plea for me in three months!
Pray for me, or maybe help to schedule an exorcism or something because 60 more days of this seems awfully unappealing.
Filed under: Neurosis-it’s not pretty but it gets the job done, Things I can blame on dad, Yeah I'm PMSing, what's your point? | Tagged: Crazy, IUD, Strippers
I’m always part of the 0.05% in those things too. If there is a side effect, I will get it. Even if it’s absolutely, unequivocally not meant to happen, it’s all on at my place. I have come to the conclusion that chemical contraception types only work because they a) clinically remove all libido and b) make me utterly unattractive to the opposite sex.
Thanks for reminding me why I got the copper T instead of Mirena or sticking to the pill. Artificial hormones don’t work with my system. Hopefully your three months will go fast.
What happens if you are still crazy after three months?
Ugh, that sounds really awful. But wait, I know how you feel, because it sounds exactly like peri-menopause… just add volcanic hot flashes.
Hormones, eh? You gotta love em. Hope this all passes sooner than later.
[...] further adeiu, I humbly present you with with the stunning conclusion of the Mirena project. Way back in May I discovered that things seemed just a tad off with my newly implanted IUD. Things seemed… [...]
Please read about my experience and feel free to leave comments about your experiences as well. Women’s health is a very serious issue that Mirena clearly takes for granted. Thank you for reading in advance!
Jackie
Mirenamishap.blogspot.com